Its been long time since I write in my blog.......Today I feel very useless, feel weak, and have a low self esteem. There no one to listen to me or support me( I REALLY NEED SOMEONE TO LISTEN TO ME NO MATTER IN WHAT CONDITION, ITS FEELS GOOD TO HAVE SOMEONE BY URSIDE, BUT SADLY NOW THIS PROBLEM I THINK I'M GONNA SOLVE IT MY OWN, BCOZ NO ONE UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M GOING TRU) , so the only way to relieve my stress is by writing it all out in here.
There has been a weird things that happen to me or should I call it sick? I myself also duno what is wrong with me. It been bothering me for nearly 1 years or to be exact 8 month to date. This illness or sick has been bothering me, I can't write it out what it is..but I do hope I really hope that I can be normal like last time. Do what I want, do when I need it. It has affected me emotionaly and my ego. I have been thinking a lot of things since it happen to me...even sometimes suicide, I feel depress. I have sought for several doctor, chinese doctor and even specialist, as well as try all other stuff. But the result is still the same.
I really duno what is happening to me.....I really scared that it will be like this forever. Sometimes, I cry because of this, my heart feel sour and pain, and even I feel frustated when I wanna do it. Doc have told me that I have too much stress and pressure, which I do, or maybe I have high blood pressure or diabetes that cause this things to not work, beside that, the doc even told me that it is my psychology problem.......
But I really duno which is the symtoms, is causing this thing. I really duno. This may effect my relationship, but I do hope it does not. BCOZ I care for this relation. But mostly I feel useless.....feel that I do not satisfy myself or my partner. What is going on to me?? Please, god, don't treat me like this? Why this things happen to me? I really dun understand? I went for a scan in a hospital but the doc say it is ok wif me? But does it really ok? I try med...but still can't cure my "sickness"..
Sometimes I really pray for miracle to happen, really pray for miracle to happen. But in this world, there is no such things as miracle... So I just can hope that it can recover over time. I REALLY DO HOPE I WILL BE OK.
I want to be "portable" when I need it. I want to have my ego and self esteem back. I really do.....now I really feel depress......REALLY DEPRESS... SOMETIMES I WANNA SHOUT IT OUT but I can't...I HOPE MY LOVE ONE WILL SUPPORT ME NO MATTER WHAT SITUATION, but this is not...the support is not enough. THE WAY THEY SUPPORT....sometimes i think? I'm I IMPORTANT?I'M I IMPORTANT TO U ALL??????... I really duno.....I really really duno....all i need is care and love... that is all I want.
But is ok, I understand...so I just pray for miracle to happen....just hope my this so call "sickness" will cure.. please please please I beg, cure it..
I feel better now by writing it in here... really feel better..... But the end is still the same, I still need to bare it myself and go thru all this myself......coz as I say, no one understand my problem and situation....but I do hope that "***N" care for me very much...really really much.....
"THERE WILL BE MIRACLE, WHEN U BELIEVE"
hope this is true.
So I just can hope.......
